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Concerned Husband asked:


Revised cliff notes of my marriage: See other postings to get the most information #1 post “Will My Wife Turn into my mother-in-law?” #2 post “Need some help with my wife” Both posted 01/25/2007.
My wife has depression and is on medication. For the last 5 years of our marriage my wife has continued to lie, steal, deny, stubborn, difficult, (on things that made no sense) and maybe cheat (not sure on that one) I have two step children, she’s been married twice, my first time. Treat them good. She moved from the south to the NE where my job is. Within a month noticed my wife undermining me/ the family. So much that my step daughter underwent counseling for depression (cutting, “can only be happy in the south” her mom’s doing, and unsure of her sexual orientation. Spent thousands but, she worth it I was to work & she was to be the home keeper (One of our pre-marriage agreements) did the opposite till I said OK to her working ,now doesn’t want to work(and isn’t) Gave her plenty of cash & a credit card for emergencies. Used that card 15 to 30 times a month for 10 months (till she gave it back/ I said enough, I was very kind and loving) all while I am tending to my terminally sick mom (Talk about blind sided). Went through many more card methods nothing worked (no trust/keeps lying & stealing now but in other ways) Found out that my wife has a secret bank account. Within 6 months, M-I-L ( who has mental problems) hit me up directly for money (which I gave to her) and later I suspect that she expected monthly handouts because I have a good job.(wife denies all,)
Found out I was going to lose my job in a couple months (airline down cycle) she refused to get a full time job because “I don’t want to do any of those jobs” Said it will be temporary, and was needed to get us through this difficult time. She refused to get a job. Also said let’s keep the kids(hers) in private school and keep the house. Still wouldn’t get a job. Sold my motorcycle, golf club membership and my SUV to lead the cutbacks. She demanded new furniture while I downsized. Luckily I found a job. Said she could have a reversal (before marriage) not true .(I think she knew that). I know now that she will not be able to have children. (she didn’t know that). Maybe I thought by having kids w/ her may save our marriage. Sounds stupid, even as I write this. There’s been many good times, she is good looking , is a sweetheart, *** is fine, my family & friends all likes her (but they don’t know any of this). Just this week found out that my wife also has secret PO Box, she got 3 more cards in her name, pays her cards debt w/ my (families) money and is hiding the mail again. I could write about her behavior for hours. I would kindly forgive all this stuff but it keeps on happening. It’s been bottled up for years except for our two councilors. I’m afraid nothing is working. Also to be fair, the 1st year of our marriage I was calm and understanding. But by year two, three and four, her behavior had not changed and there was many heated fights about lying and stealing etc…I know yelling (or yelling back) is wrong but I couldn’t take it anymore. However on year 5, I controlled my tone and watched as she was the person who antagonizes arguments and started the yelling. She continues (in different way) her destructive behavior. Went to counseling I did my part she agreed to her part but never did it, Lip service only. I was glad to see that I wasn’t 100% to blame for my frustrations (still understand that being rude is wrong). I guess I’m still looking for input on my marriage. Is this my fault in anyway? I don’t think so but I want to be sure before I consider a divorce. Do I stay in this mess? PS Thanks for all the responses so far.

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